I Love It When My Heart Is On Fire And Absorbed In Light

I remember my first time meeting my mentor. I walked into the conference room just as she had begun the evening of meditation and took a seat in the back. I had no idea what to expect. I was hopeful, yearning to find something Real, a teacher whose words came from another place and yet I was very skeptical. I was unsure if what I sought to satisfy the ache in my chest was possible anywhere outside of India and the Far East.

As she began to speak, I found I was speechless, not because of anything in particular that she said but because of where it was coming from. She introduced us to basic Buddhist concepts, told us about her experiences on the Path and studying with an Enlightened Being, and the basics of chakra meditation. She turned on a CD of Zazen music and we meditated. I was so utterly happy, so happy to the core of my being that I couldn’t talk at all. She was so at ease, so comfortable with humor and laughing at her own words and so deeply caring. I felt like the light of the meditations was soothing that deep, deep part of me, alleviating its worries and troubles.

It took me a whole summer to realize what was being extended. I swam for a summer through the inner poverty of the world, all the while my heart’s ache grew and grew until I couldn’t want anything but to live to be absorbed in that light.

After starting on the Path, I felt like a whole new world opened before me. Options were available. Boredom didn’t have to be the norm and for the very first time in my life, I didn’t have to wake up with the anxiety that the life I knew was all the world had to offer.

I read Don Juan’s teaching and began to live what I had always read about. It was no longer just words, just a story to fantasize about, picturing myself in the protagonist’s shoes, imaging the way I would handle myself, what I would say. Of course, it was more than a little shocking to find out that the reality of experience on the Path is a whole lot different than what I had imagined.

A month or so later, I realized that the light that made my heart want to jump out of my chest was distinctly coming from somewhere. It was inner and it was teaching me how to understand, how to read, how to watch and how to listen. It was Rama who was opening dimensions for me to explore. He was unraveling mysteries so that I could find my heart.

I have been so lucky, so very fortunate to have as many wonderful moments as I’ve had. Opportunities to release, to let go of all those shields, to let down the walls so my heart could play for a few moments with Rama. I don’t feel sad that I missed meeting Rama in the physical because I feel a direct connection. All of the light that he offered over his years teaching is still available to melt and tear down the layers of thoughts and ideas.

The few teachers and Rama students I’ve met are the most amazing beings. They are completely different than any other people I’ve ever encountered and I’ve begun to find out why. It takes a very rare individual to walk Rama’s Path, to keep coming back to the love that Rama gave with ultimate compassion, to find what is important and keep allowing the heart to dive into that wonderful and beautiful absorption.

Stories of Rama’s life, his teachings and his outrageousness are amazing. What is far more amazing, though, is that when I sit to meditate, Rama is there, blowing right through me. Rama is so brilliantly alive. I am so thankful of what Rama brought this world and what he has left behind as connections to Enlightenment.

- Chris